THINGS THAT BUG ME

There are few things that really bug me. One of those things is bugs. Bugs in the house. I don't like bugs in the house. Those critters are free to roam wherever they please. They have billions, even trillions of options as to which space to occupy in this big, wide world. I, however, only have my one little house. And I don't wish to share it with bugs, thankyouverymuch.

Now, I honestly don't mind squishing fruit flies or mosquitos or ants, or any of the itty bitty guys. But I draw the line once they reach a certain size. I just can not deal with it if I'm going to have to feel it, or if it's anywhere near juicy-looking or has any weight to it. So once we get past microscopic bugs, dh is Pest Control around here.

But right now, Pest Control is out of town. And somebody must have sent out an email to all the big, horrible juicy bugs of the neighborhood "Party at CB's house!"

Yesterday evening, 4 year-old son was freaking about a "big bumblebee." He was too terrified to show me where the big bumblebee was, so I, a bit terrified myself, walked into the room and immediately spotted a mosquito hovering near the ceiling. Phew!

"It's just a mosquito!" I consoled my little one. "Don't worry, I'll squish it when it comes down to where I can reach it. It's okay, you can come here now." So, trusting me, he comes into the room and absolutely freezes.

"There it is. There it is. The big thing!" Where? Where? What big thing? Oh, the big humongous fly! Okay. I'm not too afraid of flies. Not really. I figure I'll just shoo the fly into the kitchen and out the back door. But the fly doesn't cooperate. He flies towards the dining room window instead, buzzing against the screen. Well, cool! I closed the window and problem solved. Mr. Fly is trapped. Can't bother us no more. And get this...the nice mosquito (if there is such a thing) flew into the window at the exact same moment, so I got rid of both the pests at once, and all was well...

Until about 30 minutes later, when 12 year-old daughter went into the bathroom and shrieked!!! There was a huge, and I do mean HUGE, moth flapping around in there. The thing was at least the size of a human adult's ear. Maybe bigger. It looked like it must have weighed a couple of pounds and that thought alone made me shiver. So I slammed the bathroom door shut and said, "Nobody open this door! We're only using the upstairs bathroom until Pest Control comes home."

So, everything under control. Then this afternoon, 4 year-old freaked out again. Big problem. Big, juicy eight-legged problem that moved at the speed of light. The only way to deal with that is to pretend it's not there, but this technique doesn't always work so well, especially when the kids are in a panic over it. Anyhow, this arachnid kept popping up all afternoon. Seemed to be following us around. I was concerned that it might be a dangerous man-eating spider (reasonable concern, right?), so I made sure to keep my eyes open and stay well away from it as much as possible.

So there I was, not long ago, typing away at my laptop, holding my feet up in the air to keep them safe, lest the spider decide to crawl up onto them...when suddenly, man-eating spider pops his head out from under my laptop and bares his fangs! I JUMPED and SCREAMED at the top of my lungs and threw myself and my chair backwards, smashing into the wall behind me, breaking the baseboard heater (but who cares? my life was in danger!) Well, the kids all came running to see why I gave them a near heart attack. And I begged, I'm telling you, BEGGED for one of them to do something with this spider. Kill it, trap it, something. I used all the bribes (er, motivational stuff) I could think of, but no, it was too gross for them to even look at the thing.

So I took a deep breath and did what I had to do. Yes. That's right. I picked up the phone and called my neighbor. After the hysterical laughter subsided, she came right over, may God bless her and her entire family and all their descendants forever more.

I sent my son to get a kleenex for the kind neighbor and he opened the bathroom door--the MOTH bathroom door that even has a little poster on it reminding people not to go in there--I ran right over there hysterically and slammed it back shut, screaming, "No! There's a moth in there!"

Oh my! It was quite a hilarious scene. I don't remember laughing so hard in a long time. Unfortunately, my neighbor doesn't do moths. But she did do the spider and I will be eternally grateful for it. (I don't need to describe how I was screaming and gagging as she squished it. For a second I actually thought I was going to throw up, but I couldn't because of the moth in the bathroom. Anyhow, no need to talk about that.)

Remind me to buy my neighbor a Kit Kat, even though I gave her one for no particular reason just a couple of weeks ago, she deserves another one! And Pest Control is on the airplane on his way home now, should be home in the wee hours of the morning, so we'll be able to use both bathrooms again tomorrow, I hope. Ah, well. All's well that ends well.

OH, THE UPS AND DOWNS!

Last week, I had such a bad writing day I was ready to smash my horrible, vile computer to bits. But this morning, I got an idea for a new pb and I RAN to my lovely, wonderful computer and typed it all up. And guess what? It does not stink!! It might not appeal to everybody, but at least I know that it does not stink because I've already gotten some very positive feedback from my fabulous and brilliant crit group. (Thanks fabulous and brilliant crit group!)

It's one of those metafictional books. I didn't know that term, but Anne Marie was kind enough to let me know. You see, I had no idea what this type of book was called, so I was just calling it weird and ridiculous. Now I know it's metafictional! That sounds so much better, doesn't it? (Thanks, AM!)

OOPS! I almost signed my real name. Or, at least, what some of you guys think is my real name. ;)

(Phew! That was a close one.)
  • Current Mood
    excited excited

A QUESTION FOR THE BRAVE

If you won the lottery, and I mean the BIG one, would you still write? And if so, would you actively pursue publication or would you write solely for fulfillment?

And, no, in case you're wondering, I didn't win the lottery. In fact, it's highly unlikely that I will ever win the lottery since I rarely, rarely buy lottery tickets.

I was just wondering what I WOULD do if I knew I had all the money I'd ever need and didn't have to think about financial needs or a future career. And if I'm honest with myself (which I do strive to be) I think I would *probably* stop caring about publication and writing goals. I might still write if/when I felt like it, just for the pure enjoyment of it. But I think I'd put a lot more of my time and energy into volunteer work, and I'd satisfy my need for creativity in other areas that my family would notice and appreciate more. For example, A&C projects with the kiddies, food prep, gardening, decorating the house, sewing--I'd put a lot more focus on "homemaker"-type-creativity, instead of writer-creativity. I'm not 100% sure that's what I'd really do, since this is all just hypothetical and it's hard to know how I'd feel if it were really the case, but I've thought about it a lot and I *think* that's what I'd do. So what about you?

Frustration!

Okay, so I haven't been writing very much lately and I'm working on this new rhyming pb. I was incredibly excited when I woke up with the new idea a couple of weeks ago. But I haven't had time to work on it. So today, I said I'm going to work on this new pb idea. Great, right? Well, four and a half hours ago I thought so. But now I feel like tying my computer to the nearest train tracks...URGH!

The hours flew by as I worked all afternoon. One stanza, then another, and another. I finally got through about a third of the story and I got stuck. I couldn't say what I wanted to say with rhyme. I tried it every which way and got fed up. Then I realized that using rhyme was bogging the story down, making it too long, too slow. So I did the logical thing. I scrapped my hours of work, of laboring over every word and syllable. I just scrapped it all. Forget this. I'm writing this stupid story in prose and that's final. HA!

So I started writing the story in prose and next thing I know all my kids are home, I'm starving, it's suppertime and there's no food, and I didn't get my groceries done like I'd planned, and I didn't exercise like I'd planned, and the stupid story in prose suddenly seems stupider than stupid. It seems like a big, fat waste of time. And on top of that, I ate more than half a container of pringles. (Yes, the big container meant to feed a family of 8 probably.) And I still have to make supper for the family. And go grocery shopping. And exercise.

All this because of my decision to write today. So can somebody please remind me why, why, why do I like writing? It's so frustrating! Why do I WANT to do this?

And the good news: I'm sure I'll feel better when I see the train run over my computer and crush it to nothingness.
  • Current Mood
    frustrated frustrated

Am I A Chocoholic?

I've heard the term chocoholic before, but I always thought it was just a cute way of saying "one who likes chocolate a whole lot." Now, I'm beginning to wonder if there really is such a thing as a chocolate addiction. In the last hour, I had one Hershey bar, one chocolate chocolate chunk brownie and a bowl of Breyers Fudgsicle Fury ice cream. So...am I a chocoholic? Is there really such a thing? Should I go for counseling?

A Rejection That Made Me Laugh!

So today I received an envelope from a publisher, not one of my SASEs, and I thought...I don't have any manuscripts at this publisher, do I??? No, I'm quite sure I do not.

So I open it up and it's a letter dated March 14, 2006, so it wasn't lost in the mail or anything. This is current! Anyhow, it's a rejection letter for my forthcoming picture book, which I subbed to this publisher (Just to clarify: not from the publisher who's publishing my book, from a different publisher) back in July 2004! Of course, when I received the offer, I notified them right away, but I guess they must have forgotten, or hung onto the manuscript for some other reason.

Anyhow, I'm pleased, because it was a nice rejection. She said the manuscript is fun! Yay! Fun is good!

First time a rejection made me laugh. I feel like writing back and telling her that if she thinks it's so much fun, she might want to go ahead and preorder it on Amazon.

(And what do you think of that response time? One year and eight months! WHOA!)

(no subject)

Ack. I notice that I've been tagged. (I wonder how many times I've been tagged and not noticed. Probably a few...)


1. What's your middle name?: Interesting. So you don't know my first name and you don't know my last, but you expect me to divulge my middle name?

2. Is your cell phone a flip phone?: Why is it assumed that I have a cell phone? Actually, just, just got one. And according to the woman who called me with the fabulous offer, it's a "flip-flop phone." I had to keep from laughing each time she said it. And she said it a lot.

3. Have you ever been to New Jersey?: I don't think so. But I do have a few relatives who live there, does that count?

4. What's your favorite soda?: My favorite soda is soda that stays on the shelf in the supermarket and doesn't enter my home. But when I'm sick, I tend to drink gingerale. And once or twice a decade, I get a craving for one of those sickeningly sweet sodas, like orange or...I can't even remember what it's called...the sweet one that's sometimes pinkish and sometimes no color...does anyone know what I'm talking about?

5. Do you have satellite? No.

6. Where did you go to college? College of Life.

7. What's the longest road trip you've been on? From Southern California to Quebec.

8. Did you go to a private school?: Yes.

9. What's your favorite smiley? I like them all.

10. Do you buy lottery tickets in hopes of winning? I have a few times in my life, but not recently.

11. What year were you born in? It's rude to ask a woman her age.

12. Do you like the smell of Sharpies? I've never thought about it before. Next time I open a Sharpie, I'll try to take notice.

13. What does your screensaver look like?: I don't know, the Microsoft logo floating around the screen or something...

14. Do you have an iPod?: No.

15. What's your biggest pet peeve? Being asked dumb, useless questions that just waste my time.

16. What shoe size do you wear? Around 7 1/2.

17. What's your favorite kind of cereal? Probably French Toast Crunch, but it's such garbage that I hardly ever buy it or eat it. I'm not a big cereal eater.

18. Do you ever listen to Classical music? Sometimes.

19. What kind of instruments do you play? I learned to play the recorder a few thousand years ago. I'm not sure if I remember how, though.

20. Do you like Girl Scout cookies? I'm not even sure. I can't remember if I've ever had any.

21. Have you ever ridden in a limo?: Yes.

22. Do you like Hummers?: Only for the safety factor.

24. Are you scared of horses?: No.

25. Do you like milk chocolate or dark chocolate?: Milk chocolate.

26. Do you wear glasses?: When I go out of the house, I usually do. Otherwise, people tend to get offended when they say that I looked right at them (across the street or across the room) and they smiled or waved, but I just ignored them (I couldn't see them and probably didn't know they were smiling or waving at me.) I used to wear them only for driving, but then I got tired of people asking me if I was angry at them, or why I ignored them, etc...

27. Does it annoy you when people misspell things?: It depends who and how many things they've mispelled. It also probably depends a bit on my mood.

28. Do you like the beach or the mountains: Both. The mountains can be a bit scary, driving those narrow winding roads with barely any shoulder to speak of and a huge cliff a few feet away...The beach is beautiful, I love the water and the waves, but I can't stand the mess of sand and how difficult it is to get clean.

29. Have you ever taken cough medicine when you didn't have a cough? No, but I will admit to taking decongestant when I wasn't congested. One winter, I was sick for months with one cold after another. Night after night I was too congested to relax and fall asleep, so I got into the habit of taking decongestant before going to bed. After a few months of this, my colds had all gone away, but I had become dependent (Okay, addicted). I needed the medicine to help me sleep. I continued to take it, gradually decreasing the amount until I didn't need it anymore. Shortly afterward, they pulled the stuff off the shelf because they discovered that one of the active ingredients was dangerous. I can't remember what the danger was, but I was glad I wasn't using it anymore when they pulled it off the shelf.

30. Have you ever been to band camp? No.

31. Do you know any guys with a receding hair line? Yes.

32. Do you know what Chacos are? No.

33. Do you own a Nalgene? I have no idea what this is. And neither does dictionary.com. So probably not.

34. Have you ever watched Room Raiders on MTV?: No.

35. What's the best Christmas present you've ever got?: I don't celebrate Christmas, but I've gotten a few...I just can't remember what they were...

36. What's your favorite Popsicle flavor?: Blue or red, but for some reason, whenever I get into the popsicle mood, the only color left is orange.

37. Did your parents give you an allowance? No.

38. Did you ever watch Rugrats when you were little? No.

39. How many myspace groups have you joined? None.

40. What do you think of standardized tests? I usually don't like tests of any sort.

41. What's the craziest thing you have ever done? The craziest thing I've ever done, would have been answering this question, had I done so.

42. Have you ever cheated on a test? No.

43. Is tomorrow your birthday? No.

44. Have you ever choked on your own spit? Not that I can recall.

45. Do you like roller coasters? No. I used to love them, though.

46. When was the last time you went roller blading? Never.

47. Have you ever wished you had a twin? I don't know if I've wished it, but I've definitely played "what if" and tried to imagine what it would be like.

48. Do you have a caffeine addiction? No.

49. Do you get claustrophobic easily?: Yes.

50. Would you ever kiss on the first date? I'm married. There's no such thing as a first date.

I took it again, because I was torn between many of the choices

You Should Be A Poet

You craft words well, in creative and unexpected ways.
And you have a great talent for evoking beautiful imagery...
Or describing the most intense heartbreak ever.
You're already naturally a poet, even if you've never written a poem.


So maybe I should write funny poetry. Actually, sometimes I do.

I hate these quizzes, though. I don't know why I do them. They annoy me. I guess I don't like being pigeon-holed into any specific category of anything. I am a multi-faceted person aiming for balance in all areas of life. Why can't I write many different types of things? I can if I want to. And I do. So I will. So there, you silly quiz. So there.

(no subject)

You Should Be a Joke Writer

You're totally hilarious, and you can find the humor in any situation.
Whether you're spouting off zingers, comebacks, or jokes about life...
You usually can keep a crowd laughing, and you have plenty of material.
You have the makings of a great comedian - or comedic writer.


I wish I were that funny.